I feel ashamed. Birth announcements have been rolling in (though nothing new) and I have found myself asking the forbidden question, why them and not us. A question I try not to ask because let’s be honest what’s the point.
Most recently my husband came home with news he had received an email from a close friend. Him and his wife were expecting. This is the same couple I wrote about shortly after the new year, who revealed that they too had been trying and feared their fate matched ours. Well, luck (or whatever it is) was on their side and they are weeks away from finding out what they are having, no doctors, medications, shorts or invasive treatments.
And here is where the shame lies……
I have no doubt they will be the most amazing parents, and no doubt in my mind are they deserving of such a gift….but…. I couldn’t help but feel a little upset. More than anything it was nice not feeling alone in this journey. It was nice having someone to talk to, who actually understands the emotions and frustrations we feel. I confessed these feelings to my husband and he too admitted he was a little down when he heard. Don’t get me wrong, we are so happy for them, sadly right now we are just having a hard time feeling excited. With our IVF starting in just a few short months I think the pressure and stress is starting to set in. Recently our baby talk has become more frequent and serious. Oh how I pray things would out.
I know soon enough it will be my time I only wish it was now.