I can’t even believe I finally have the time to write! Work has been sheer chaos; but this week things are looking up. My head is above water and the air is fine!!
So here is an update:
While in New York my brother slipped; big time. Going into his OBGYN rotation with his girlfriend just coming out of it they are both interested as to the testing I have had done and where I am at in my infertility journey. My brother made a comment about my HSG test right in front of my mom. Immediately she asked what we were talking about. I tried to cover it with oh just a routine test I had to get done for my PCOS; but my mother knows me well and was not fooled in the least.
Once alone in the room she asked; in that….you don’t have to tell me, but tell me…motherly way. So I opened up. I told her I had lied when I told her we were giving things a break. I walked her through each failed attempt (4 Clomid, 1 Femara, 2 IUI), describing each treatment and ending where I am now (a canceled cycle; awaiting IUI #3). She said she knew something had to be going on, but (as suspected) my father urged her not to ask. She didn’t compare herself to me, nor did she ask why I had lied. To my surprise she was genuinely supportive and heart-broken for me. She asked if she could tell my father (wow she actually asked permission) where I let her know that would be fine (my poor dad cried when she shared the news).
It felt so good to have my mother in on our secret; but already, I am finding that with time the bricks are starting to stack again.
I know she means well but the constant questioning of “are you on your shots yet” is getting to be too much. We skipped a weekend up north for various reasons, none of which had to do with treatments, and she instantly wanted to tell my grandma we were sticking around home because of my infertility treatments.
Last night when asking if I had started my shots yet I informed her that I had yet to get my period (I just finished my last Provera last night). She responded with an oh so comforting (insert sarcasm) “you haven’t had your period yet? That can’t be good.”
I know the dreaded boundary talk has to happen but I was hoping I could get away with not having to give one! Is it so hard to know that I will come to you if I need you; that this is a matter not for you to share; or that I genuinely want you to be surprised when things do work out?
I will wait until she asks again and at that time will have a talk with her. Let’s hope she doesn’t get upset, understands where I am coming from and actually listens.
Have any of you ever had to deal with a mother (or someone else) like this?