I apologize for my late post. I wrote the following last Friday but forgot my password while at work and then haven’t had internet until tonight so you get it now.
What does your typical Friday 7am Target run look like? Mine, oh just some Starbucks, a water, an apple and a pregnancy test….no big deal.
I went into the canceled cycle knowing pregnancy was possible; not likely but possible. To be honest, I would be utterly on the floor shocked if I was. Going in I thought we would give it a good try, I have left over ovulation predictor kits so why not. Well it turns out we just haven’t had the time to even humor the thought of tracking, trying and hoping for the best. My trip, coupled with his test, a bladder infection on my part and our busy work schedules has called for one mess of a month; no doubt a bust from beginning to end.
CD 28 is tomorrow and I have not one sign of AF showing her lovely appearance. Spotting, nope, cramps, nope, bloating….well that I am used to so I can’t really tell at this time but if so it is moderate.
So here is what I don’t understand. This cycle was canceled due to my residual follicles; meaning I had follicles that would put out eggs, the eggs would most likely not be viable for fertilization. Why is AF nowhere to be found? Am I really not able to ovulate without the help of medication from beginning to end? Dear body, when are you going to start cooperating and function like the normal human being you claim to be?!?! Already having the fear that this would happen I talked to the nurse at my clinic during my last baseline and they will prescribe progesterone if AF doesn’t show up by tomorrow… pending my pregnancy test.
So lucky me gets to take another test knowing that “Not Pregnant” will inevitably appear on my screen. But maybe….just maybe…..
Last weekend we spent the night down at a friend’s house. My husband was sharing his comical experiences with the clinic and talking about his “super sperm” around the bonfire…because you know that is typical bonfire talk and all. I quickly ran off to go to the bathroom and I guess while I was gone they all started scolding him for talking about it, convinced that I was upset he was sharing all of this information. A while later he asked if I was upset and told me about his scolding. I love our friends for understanding it is a private matter but I honestly don’t care. Those individuals who do not know about our journey don’t for one of two reasons; (1) how do you bring that up in a conversation (2) we don’t want to hear their analysis of the situation, their opinions, or the comparison of our situation to their own that is in no way the same. Most of our close friends know at this point and we are pretty open about it, if they ask.
The main people who brought up the topic were the couple I talked about around the New Year. They too are trying and having difficulty due to her erratic cycles. There have been no doctor’s appointments or outright treatment plans just yet but I am sure that will come up soon if they don’t see success. Once they knew I was ok talking about what was happening the questions started flowing. I let them know we are there if they need to talk or have any questions.
Earlier this week, while catching dinner with my best friend who knows everything, I was sharing the story of the weekend. Then we were talking about the ordering of my bridesmaid dress and how the bride doesn’t know we are trying (put her under the don’t ask don’t tell category). We started laughing about the fact that infertility isn’t a topic that is easily brought up in a conversation. We then started coming up with opening lines I could use.
“Hi, what’s new with you”
“Well I am infertile and have residual follicles this month; how about yourself?”
Oh my goodness we were just dying!! I am sure the people around us were wondering what the hell we were talking about! As much as all this sucks sometimes you just have to take it for what it is and laugh about it; because what else is there to do.
Pregnancy test was negative. My doctor made me go into the office anyway to get a blood test before I could get my Provera. I wouldn’t mind if I was close but to wake up at 6:45 am on Memorial day to drive an hour just to have my blood drawn is a little irritating. The nurse called to verify again (as if the NOT PREGNANT screaming at me from my test wasn’t proof enough) that I was in fact not pregnant. So Provera begins tonight. To be honest it was for the best. I have to spend the weekend with my in-laws and now won’t have to try to hide my shots which I know would prove impossible with my nosy MIL (they fall under the second category).