A Grueling TWW

Ugh! It’s like the world knows I am on my TWW is plotting against me!

Babies babies everywhere!!

Now I know I am more likely to notice, since it is our goal but I feel like the baby-o-meter has been at an all-time high. I can’t walk to lunch without seeing at least 3 pregnant women. My Instagram is full of my followers liking pictures of babies, baby announcements, baby bumps and baby nurseries with Facebook being the same way. The other night I turned on my TV. Without having to switch the channel I was roped into a Sex in the City episode where Charolette receives a letter that they had been approved for adoption, along with a picture of their new baby girl. Last night was the same; a Modern Family episode came on where Gloria is oh so pregnant and is faking labor for this reason and that. Later in the evening while browsing through Pinterest I selected the “popular” category. Usually full of fitness, food, fashion and crafts imagine my surprise when it was filled with baby fashion, cute baby photo shoots and nursery ideas… I even went back to be sure I didn’t accidentally select the baby category. I JUST CAN”T GET AWAY! Even the book I am reading just went into detail about an insignificant character and her labor. This is just out of control!

Aside from all of the above I have been as cool as a cucumber… well sort of. Looking back on my week it seems like it has passed at a turtles pace…how am I not even a week in?. However, my days have been moving fast; it’s the oddest thing.

This time around my mind has actually been anywhere but on pregnancy. I haven’t been playing the who will I tell, when and how game. I haven’t been counting the months for this event and that. There has been no plotting as to how I will tell my husband; speaking of my husband, not a peep out of him, a large contrast from the last cycle. He doesn’t talk in terms of me being pregnant nor does he wish to discuss names on a nightly basis. In fact when I bring anything up he is quick to brush the topic under the rug. (I should probably state I am ok with this. I think for the first time he was really let down with our last BFN and like I have been doing for a long time, has started guarding himself for the next).

Truth be told we aren’t the most confident in the cycle. I had so many large follicles last time they were talking multiples; but this time I only had 1. If it didn’t work with the multiples why would just 1 be sufficient? Because the cycle went so quick he didn’t have time to get tested. This is something I am actually really anxious about. Oh how I hope I am the only infernal one in this marriage; I just don’t know how we would handle that additional blow. I am making him set an appointment up now for some time a week or 2 following my test; he can always cancel but at least we are prepared if he needs to go in. In the end it all boils down to my doctor’s phone call to tell me this was a go. She didn’t sound confident making me feel less than. I hope I am wrong but only time will tell.

So there you have it….my update. I won’t share my symptoms and comparisons from this round to the last because I don’t want to risk and jinxes (yup I’m superstitious). I will share that I am bloated as all heck. I thought I was avoiding that this time but ass the days pass I feel larger and larger. My clothes are fitting tighter down to my ankles and feet swelling up; enough for me to notice anyway. ISH! Aside from that I have had a constant headache (that varys in severity) for a good month now….oh but it will all be worth it in the end. One could only dream of seeing the end in sight!

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