My husband has been touch and go on the infertility support train. He is the type of person that if he is not directly affected by a situation his ability to understand and sympathize goes out the window. Because he isn’t the one making excuses to work for the multiple doctor’s appointments a month and doesn’t take upwards of 6 pills a night resulting in hot flashes and mood swings, he just can’t wrap his mind around what a struggle this has been for me both physically and emotionally.
When I asked he be tested, he refused. When I asked if he wanted to go to my first appointment with the infertility specialist (as recommended), he said he couldn’t miss work. When I spoke of a show I saw that discussed two ladies, their infertility journey and how much they had spent on treatments he gasped and proclaimed he would never spend that much money but would rather buy me dogs.
After many talks and tears he is finally starting to get it. He has offered to go into the office with me and get himself tested followed by coming with to my appointment to learn more about what is going on. As far as the money and how far we will take things, the topic brings up too many emotions and aggravations for this early on in our journey; that is a bridge we will cross only if we must.
With him doing so well I was shocked over this past week.
Just a week or two ago he agreed to go fishing out of state with his uncle. I was supportive of them spending time together, even if it meant another long weekend alone. Because one of the guys backed out my husband’s attendance was key to keeping this trip in tact (unless his dad would make up his mind to go…).
While lying in bed trying to fall asleep my stomach dropped. Wednesday would be my first monitoring appointment of this cycle. If things were progressing as they needed to be I could have to give myself a trigger shot as early as that day. Meaning his plans to leave Thursday would not be plausible. If things were progressing but I wasn’t ready to trigger I could have to do it days later. It quickly became apparent that going out of town was no longer an option for him.
When I brought this to his attention I did so with as much finesse as possible. I stated the facts and much to my surprise he was actually mad…really mad.
His anger had me seeing red! How dare he be mad at me for something I can’t control! I didn’t know what this cycle would bring, I can’t help I have to take specific medications at specific times. At this point all of this is out of my hands. I brought to his attention that I did not plan this, I did not take all of these pills for fun and that waiting now was not an option; we would be finishing this cycle and finishing it strong. I also pointed out that for all we know this could be a wash, my body could be having no reaction to my new medication (like it didn’t with the last…), meaning no additional monitoring or trigger shot would be needed, but I wouldn’t know that until Wednesday morning.
Still not satisfied he asked if I could move my appointment up. Nope, I need to go in on CD 12, they won’t see me sooner. He then told me I had to think of a good excuse for why he couldn’t go with his uncle (why me?!).
If the above wasn’t maddening enough I pointed out to him that I have always been supportive of his outdoors hobbies. Never once have I asked him to stay home, not even when I had good reason to.
I wish so badly I could get him to take a walk in my shoes and think about how all of this if affecting me. If you have any tips, I am all ears!!
We are doing better. He hasn’t apologized for his behavior but I doubt I will ever get that. He received a call today from his uncle who said they may have to push the trip back a week, so all this fighting may have been for nothing. In the end I hope everything works out. I am hoping to see my first ever maturing follicles and am hoping his trip gets pushed back another week giving us the best of both worlds!