I apologize from the beginning because this blog is sure to be all over the place.
The weekend baby shower
I am not far enough in my infertility journey to get truly upset when I am around babies, or people expecting. For the most part (with a few exceptions) I am always genuinely happy and excited when someone shares their big news with me. So when I helped host a shower for my expecting cousin this weekend my emotions caught me off guard.
It was a mentally draining day to say the least. My cousin is younger (22) works as an assistant manager at a retail store and is pregnant with her first child. The father of that child has never worked a day in his life and uses his criminal record as an excuse as to why he can’t get a job. They are not married and as it is she works her butt off to support the two of them. When they found out about the baby rather than go out and get a job the dad immediately started talking about getting government assistance (a whole other topic I won’t get into).
In addition to my cousin’s situation, there were multiple other couples at the shower. All of which were younger, all of which had at least one child and none of which had stable well-paying jobs or were married. I think you can see where this is going. Why them and not me? Both my husband and I went to college, have jobs that provide us the income to take care of and support a child….a child we want …a child we can provide a stable home to and yet we can’t make it happen.
Last night I was pretty quiet. I was in desperate need of some alone time to sort my thoughts, decompress and get back to a healthy mental place.
Later in the evening out of the blue my husband asks for a list of the baby names we had liked. Turns out he had been thinking about them all weekend, trying to come up with the perfect name for a child that is not yet in my stomach. I fell asleep to him trying out different names. I love that he is thinking about it; at the same time I wasn’t in the mood to discuss names or think about our infertility woes. It’s not like we have to decide now; how about we get pregnant first, get past those grueling first 12 weeks and then discuss possible names.
Baseline ultrasound 1
Today I went back into the specialist for my first baseline. Pretty gross if you ask me, who wants that wand shoved up their who-ha while in full stream. I feel bad for the tech who performs them day after day!
Anyway, things look good enough for me to start my Famera tonight. As of now I have 44 small follicles on my right ovary and 47 on my left. I’m happy to hear I have more than enough to someday help produce something in there. I go back next Wednesday where they will start my monitoring….let’s hope for a promising first ever mature follicle(s) :)!!!!
Today’s excuse (since it was last minute appointment) – Cavity acting up, I saw a dentist close to my work.
Next week: I have a general check up right away in the morning and will be just a little late.
I am waiting another cycle before doing a HSG test just because that is one less excuse I will have to make. Otherwise I would have been going in Tuesday for an hour in addition to my monitoring day Wednesday.
I am pretty sure they will catch on soon enough if I can’t start getting those 7:30am appointments! I am just not ready to spill the beans yet.