Holding Off On Life

Do you ever find in this journey that you are holding off on life?

I do! I live one appointment; one call; one test to the next just hoping to get the news that my life will be changing forever. When I’m not at a doctor’s office or on the phone with a nurse I am thinking about it, about a baby or about my frustrations with my body. I have allowed a situation to define and take over me.

I have always loved to travel and yet I stopped planning trips…because what would happen if I were to get pregnant and couldn’t fly. In addition to flying, I would feel so guilty spending all this money on a trip when a baby was on the way, money that we would surely need once a baby arrived.

Rather than taking advantage of our freedom date nights with my husband currently consist of maybe going out to dinner followed by a movie at home. We both love hockey and yet we have never been to a game. We are big foodies and haven’t tried a new restaurant in years. We used to love going to the movies and though we have a cheap theater by our house we never seem to make it there….WHY?! With both of us having decent paying jobs we should splurge every once in a while, but we don’t.

My work life is less than stellar. I show up to a job I have no passion for day after day; being sucked dry of all creativity I contribute little to my marketing status. I go through the motions of the tasks expected of me but don’t take my work beyond that. I used to be so motivated and excited to make the most of my career…what happened?

Well I am here to say I am done! 2014 will be the year I focus on living again. The year I stop holding back in hopes of a bigger better future and actually actively work towards that bigger better future! Sure, we will continue to try but I refuse to stop my life on account of a bad phone call or the what-ifs life throws my way.

I will be treating my husband to a night out with dinner and hockey tickets! With one trip already planned for January I also hope to plan at least 2 maybe 3 additional trips. I am thinking NYC, Florida and MN’s North Shore.

I understand that not every day will be exciting and jam packed with fun new experiences, but at least I will have things to look forward to. Down the road I don’t want to look back at my life thinking, wow, you wasted three years doing nothing but literally sitting and waiting for a kid….with good jobs, few expenses and nothing tying you down you decided to sit at home and do nothing.

I believe in the higher power, and know that everything happens for a reason. I will have a child when the time is right. As much as I would like to rush into this chapter of my life I can’t so why not sit back and enjoy the ride…to the best of my ability.

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