I didn’t want to, but I had to… I mean she practically made me.
My mother proved she could not handle knowing we are “trying.” It’s really too bad, it was nice having another female to bounce thoughts off of and ask questions to, but the stress of her knowing far exceeded the benefits.
Take 2 was met by daily phone calls from my mom. Have you taken your pills today? Where are you in your cycle? What comes next? What day will you ovulate? You’re not going to see your husband tonight, but you are supposed to be doing it every other day…. What are you eating? And the list of questions goes on and on and on.
The disappointment from yet another failed try was met with the “oh I am so sorry,” “you must be so upset,” “how are you feeling”… she just wouldn’t drop it! There was one night in particular. I had a friend and her baby over to my parents’ house (my parents live closer to my friend than I do so we often meet there). I ended up staying the night; I was almost sleeping when my mom came in. “How are you? You just seem so upset. Tell me what is wrong.” (For the record, I was happy having had a good evening.)
The one that makes me the craziest is the “I know what you are going through; I probably have/had PCOS too.” So first of all, the last thing someone wants to hear is you spin their misfortune onto yourself. Second, you don’t know what I am going through; you got pregnant on your first dose of Clomid and didn’t have to deal with Metformin among other prescriptions that make you feel fat, bloated and sick on a constant basis. By bringing my constant attention to what is happening she was only making me more upset, frustrated, pressured and stressed!
So I did it, I lied. It was pretty easy actually.
As suspected on cycle day 30 my test showed a negative. I had told her I had a doctor’s appointment set for that day and my mom had planned a lunch out with me following the “appointment.” I went and grabbed my mom for lunch and was sure to put on my best upset face. Once we sat down for lunch she asked how things went. I said not good and explained that I saw it all coming. Because of my thinned out uterus and the approach of my last available attempt to use Clomid I told her the doctor thought it best for me to get my body healthy (sounds good right?). I explained that to get healthy I would need to wait a few months before taking my progesterone again, thickening up my uterus and allowing for a better chance of everything working rather than if I were to jump right back into it. I explained with the holidays around the corner I was ok with the decision. I needed a break and would try again in a few months.
Her face was somber and the subject quickly dropped, now when I bring up future children I find my mom changing the subject, a far cry from her daily phone calls from the month prior. Regaining some peace in my life has been great! I can only hold her off so long though. Her pestering aside, I do want her to be genuinely surprised when it does happen so I am hoping things happen sooner rather than later.