It’s the thing that most people take for granted that I just can’t get over.
The average couple decides (or maybe not) hey I am ready to have a baby. Let’s stop protecting and let nature take its course. They get the surprise of a pregnancy test showing positive after one or maybe a few months. But for those of us who aren’t as fortunate the conversations with our significant others are lengthy, frequent and awkward. To be frank I have found that PCOS has taken out any fun and excitement that comes with trying to conceive.
I personally have found that no man (or very few) are ready to have kids until you plop one into their arms. In the case of my husband, he wasn’t comfortable admitting we were trying (prior to me finding out about my PCOS) but always put it as, I would be happy either way; if it happens it happens and if not that is fine too. Since we found out about my “condition” we have been forced to have the conversation and really think about whether or not we are ready.
There is just so much to think about when planning for a baby; the money, the life style change and the health of the future child. It makes the decision seem far more extensive and scary. Husbands are faced with the reality that this is going to happen, it will be planned and calculated and though he doesn’t have to go through much his wife will become a pill popping sex crazed version of herself and a frequent fixture at the doctor’s office.
I started the discussion with my husband following the overload of information in one of my initial PCOS appointments. We had always discussed starting to really try after our 2 year wedding anniversary. With that being months away I just threw the facts on the table. I couldn’t get pregnant naturally; I would need help from my doctor. He would have to give me the ok and I would have to make a special trip to the doctor to learn more about what all that entailed. I left him with that knowledge and dropped the topic for a few months.
About 2 months before our anniversary I pressed the topic a little harder. We sat down to have a long conversation where I could better understand his thoughts and concerns on the topic. We talked about the baby’s health, when the best time would be, we weighed the pros and cons of waiting vs. not and discussed again what the process would entail. He asked for two week to gather his thoughts and process all of the information.
After two weeks I brought up the topic again. Still not ready to talk I asked if he was at least thinking about things and much to my surprise he said yes. The actual conversation was had late on a Tuesday evening a few days after his two week “deadline.” I was told I needed to get pregnant the next day to best accommodate his outdoors schedule (oh if it were only that easy). I was on the phone with my clinic that next morning making an appointment.
Most of the time I am pretty ok with the cards I have been dealt, there are so many out there who are less fortunate than I. But after multiple failed attempts and the pressure of nothing working I can’t help but to feel defeated. PCOS just takes all of the good out of what could be an exciting time in one’s life. I wish I could just throw caution to the wind, go about my daily life, not have to visit a doctor monthly (sometimes weekly) and take pills nightly. I wish I would wake up one morning, not feeling so well, pee on a stick and see that “pregnant” word pop across a screen.